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Autumn Newsletter Marbella October 2012: Panic Attack

Dear Friends,

richard and xie  enhoying sunset in marbellaAfter all the stress from the last few weeks in Spain: trying to find enough people to visit the two plays I was about to produce for Richard Fry, SMILER and the BATTLE OF THE UNBEATABLE HEARTS, which meant sitting glued to my computer or phone, for many hours in the day as well as night, ..looking up hundreds of names and phone numbers  or emails and finally being able to at last find a few nights with nearly full audiences but two almost without any... all this combined with the frustration of having a top artist in our house but not enough people to share his talent with, must have really screwed up my head.. 


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Today... after two very well received shows, Richard Fry left early this morning ... something very strange and scary happened to me.. Soon after, with the help of Philip and my personnel the Spanish villa , that had been done up as a real theater with podium, black curtains sound and light equipment was returned to its original state as a normal cozy villa

My favorite German miracle orthopedic dr. Schmitt DrSchmitt portrait

Philip took me to see my favorite German miracle orthopedic dr. Schmitt for a new treatment against my hip pains he had cured with a massive cortisone injection barely a month ago...but as was to be predicted the pain was coming back again after that month.. so now I was in for SCHOCK WAVE ESWT treatment to cure my tendinitis.

Philip was going to look for a parking place and dropped me off for what was apparently the doctors building. He said a few words to me which turned out later to be;"look there, door to door delivery, here is the building, go up the stairs and I will see you later when I parked the car."

It is then that for the very first time in my life I started to feel totally alienated and strange and suddenly I had not got an idea what I was looking for or where I was, while I had been in that doctors building many times over the last few years. I knew there were big staircases leading up to a great marble entrance hall, but as I started to walk and walk and walk I felt stranger and stranger and was not even aware what exactly I was doing and who I was going to visit. I walked up and down the street I used to know so well , turned into side streets, stopped at a Spanish cafe to use the toilet and sit and think what I was doing on this totally "strange " territory I tried to call Philip, but my phone was empty and I did not have the pin code   anyway. I did not remember my own home number, so I could maybe call the boys at home from the cafe phone.... I got into a panic mode and went on walking towards the sea. My already sore leg was hurting even more and then, whammo after half an hour , my memory came back and I found my way to the building effortlessly, where I had set out to go to, but had forgotten all about; .. mind you it was a long walk , as I really had been very lost for the past half hour.

When I reached the 6th floor, the assistant of the doctor told me that my husband had been looking for me urgently and had gone out trying to find me. I apologized , but did not tell her what exactly had happened to my twisted mind. Now it was Me wondering about Philip, who after 15 minutes showed up all hot and flustered and sweaty from a mad period looking for me.
Xie-in blad lefHe had forgotten his mobile... looked all over the street for me and in the building, even in all toilets on the doctors floor and finally spent fifteen minutes with the porter looking at the security video movie of everybody entering the building ,  over the last hour. ...until he saw himself and he stopped. Then he was just about to ask for the use of the phone to call the police as he was dead worried I had been mugged or kidnapped or worse still , had had a bad accident and was taken to hospital!!!

Ah well. we then had to go through the ordeal of dr.Schmitt filling my hip with a 15 bar shock wave treatment from the largest shock pistol model I had ever seen. The rest of the afternoon went smooth and now back home again.. it made me think: what happened today to me!!!???

Senior Moments

senior moment

I suffer frequently from what I call senior moments when I cannot remember a certain person's name, even if I know that person really well, or more often than not I confuse the days of the week and am frequently a day ahead or a day behind schedule. But what happened today and which left me very very tired , confused and depressed , to me seems almost like it could be the onset of.... Alzheimer...

I checked this website and noticed indeed that confusion about dates and losing your way in your mind and on the road are definitely two of the points that are described as being the beginning of Alzheimer. Please.. if any of you can inform me from experience with your own family members, who succumbed to this illness, what other things I can expect.. hopefully not too soon, but in the distant future, please let me know. I have seen two great movies about it and it scares me to think that one day I will be like one of these poor victims...

Lets hope that it was mere fatigue, maybe too much sugar intake and my overweight or high blood pressure, I don't even know who to turn to in the medical world, if these symptoms come back. Or if this could happen while I drive my car for instance.

As I don't want to end this email in minor mode here is a lovely MESSAGE I received from a darling Belgian girlfriend I know well,  but don't often see helas.   She always visits my plays , even if it means a 2 hour drive each way...  

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Her name is Kathryn and this is what she wrote after she saw


Here is her touchy writing....

Hi Xie,

Just wanted to say big thanks for your invite to a wonderful, heartfelt performance.

What a clever artist, combining his anguish and life experiences with some bitter sweet laugh out loud moments. It is such a pity that people here at the coast are not open to more cultural events and only want to be entertained on the lighter aspects of life.

It always amazes me that, since the spectacular Black Box theater with your opening play about Nijinsky's life you always manage to bring not only quality, but so many divers acts. Please do not be disheartened about the poor attendance. If I lived just a little closer I would have come to see the second performance tonight too.. Pity.

Today we lost our lovely Siamese cat of 10 years, we had gone for lunch and when we came back we found all our dogs around her licking her and barking at her to move, but she did not and Donald can only think she had an attack of some sort. We are so sad.

Lots of love, Kathryn


And so dear friends... as you can see life goes on and people and animals, who can be like our own children, get born and die. Art is here to stay... entertainment to each his or her own taste

On this Costa del sol superficiality seems to have increased. Lp.s. Here is a good advice from a very healthy girlfriend in Florida, called Margie. This is not just for me, but for all of you, who are suffering from obesity or food addictions or just want to live a healthier life .

I can't guarantee I will follow all her advice but certainly will try to cut out the bad stuff.....

"Change your diet immediately. Low sugar and balance your diet. Go off gluten and dairy for at least 6 weeks. Fruits and vegetables, salads, sweet fruits for a treat. Much less meat of any kind. Green juices or green smoothies. Do not put lotions with chemicals on your skin, do not eat foods with chemicals. This is serious what you wrote. Xaviera dear girlfriend, this was a wakeup call so WAKE UP now. Please, you are so vibrant and have much life ahead IF you are proactive. I don't want to be visiting you and you saying, "Who the hell are you? do I know you?"

Let's hope that people like Kathryn, of which I hope there are more of on this Costa del sol.. find their way to my theatre and that many others in Holland, where soon Richard will also bring his shows... the end of November.. will also come and enjoy these productions.
Xaviera Hollander

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